Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
