Apparently you make a good broom.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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