And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
