you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
