I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
