you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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