What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize