Banned from zoo.
Again?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
3 2 1 whiskey
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
