Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
