then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
