when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
