So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
