i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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