i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
this hospital has no fireball
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize