I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
