Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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