Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
