He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
did i walk over a car last night?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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