sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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