Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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