I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
