You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
