i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
