you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
