Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize