I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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