The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
