Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
