I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
