I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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