I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
