We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you didnt know i had herpes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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