im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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