she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
