I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
