So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
