how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
