He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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