Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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