Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
