i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
