maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Come see our sink grown plant.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
