I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize