Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize