I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
