True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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