I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love having hate sex.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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