i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
