she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
