I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
