I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
