just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
