I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize