Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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