My first STD was from a foam party
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
