I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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