her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
