I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
