some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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