I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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