What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
